Puddle of Grace
by amanda145
Summary: Julie Emrick goes on a search to find her biological father, Josh Lyman. Takes place in Season 2 of TWW & Felicity. Josh/Donna, slight Julie/Ben, Josh/Carol Anderson
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Puddle of Grace (1/?)

**Author: **Buffyfan145

**Beta'd by: **Caitrin

**Rating: **T/PG 13

**Fandoms: **The West Wing & Felicity

**Pairings: **Josh/Donna, slight Julie/Ben, Zoey/Charlie, Abby/Jed, CJ/Danny, Josh/Carol Anderson

**Setting: **During early season 2 for both The West Wing and Felicity in 2000.

**Summary: **Julie Emrick goes on a search to find her biological father, Josh Lyman.

**Note: **Takes place mostly in The West Wing universe after Josh recovers from the Rosslyn shooting. Also, changed some of Julie's back story and some season 1 Felicity events didn't happen. I got the idea for this fic after remembering that Bradley Whitford played Julie's (Amy Jo Johnson) biological father. Jane Kaczmarek, Brad's wife at the time, played Julie's biological mother Carol Anderson. After being so disappointed that the Felicity writers weren't able to finish this storyline, this idea sprung to my mind. It's my way of having it play out like I wanted it to, and getting to write my first Josh/Donna fic as well.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters or the songs used. This is just a fan writing for other fans.

**Chapter 1**

This had to be the craziest idea she had ever come up with. Her guitar case leaned slightly against her leg as the Greyhound bus kept inching closer to Washington, DC. That's where she knew he was: her birth father.

If you'd asked Julie Emrick three months ago where she would be now, she'd say she would be playing guitar and singing at the local bar, hanging out with her best friends Felicity Porter and Elena Tyler, trying to catch Ben Covington's eye even though their relationship had ended badly, trying to get Sean Blumberg to not like her anymore, and all the while preparing for her sophomore year at NYU. She was majoring in music, but trying to track down her birth mother at the same time.

Not that she didn't love her adoptive parents – she did completely and wouldn't trade her childhood for anything. However, something always felt missing. Julie didn't look like her parents, at least not exactly. Peter Emrick had really dark hair and green eyes. Lisa Emrick was blonde and had blue eyes. Julie Emrick's hair was light golden brown and her eyes were a rich shade of brown. She remembered staring into the mirror trying to imagine her birth parents' facial features, something she never told Peter or Lisa. She was just trying to find her place in the world. Wasn't that normal for every 20-year-old?

Last month was when things finally changed. It was May 15th, 2000: a day she'd never forget. It was the day she met her birth mom, Carol Anderson.

Carol worked at a New York law firm and was now married with two other small children. That fact was what really started tearing down Julie's opinion of what she thought her mother would be. Carol seemed rigid, like she wanted to forget everything that had happened. Julie couldn't understand, nor did she think she ever would. How Carol had never told Julie's biological dad about the pregnancy or Julie's adoption was the biggest shock. Carol wanted this secret and didn't even want Julie to find her father.

Sure, the woman looked like Julie's mother. She saw her nose, hair color, and certain mannerisms that had been passed down to her. Carol even told her she sang a little in college and that's how she met Julie's father. But her eyes weren't Julie's nor was her personality.

Julie was so sickened by her. There was no way she was going to stop trying to find her dad.

"Just give me his name and where he lives. I deserve to know who he is!" Julie remembered yelling.

Carol took a deep breath, sensing she was going to have to tell the truth. "Just please don't find him. I can't have my career and family, or his for that matter, go through this."

Julie was downright disgusted. "Don't worry. I'm not going to ruin your perfect little life."

Carol laughed. She actually laughed. "You don't realize how much of your father is in you." She paused before going on. "Your father's name is Josh Lyman. He lives in Washington, DC."

After finding that out, there was no way she was going to give up. She used NYU's computer lab to look into Josh Lymans in the DC area who would have originally been from Connecticut. Carol did say she had met Josh at Harvard, so it gave Julie something to look for. What she didn't expect was to find out her father worked in the White House as Deputy Chief of Staff to President Bartlet.

She went to the White House's website and found a picture of Josh. That's when she knew she'd found her dad. Her own eyes were staring back at her. Julie did more research and what she found scared her. Josh had almost died when he and the President were shot at Rosslyn a few weeks back. The news was everywhere about it, but she felt tears come to her eyes realizing now that it was her dad who had been shot. The latest articles said Josh was recovering at the hospital and was going to be released soon.

That's when Julie realized she had to find Josh and tell him everything. They deserved to find each other. She printed off his picture and some of the articles to find which hospital he was in. The next few weeks were crazy. Felicity and Elena thought she was nuts, but supported her in her quest. They helped her pack her things and get ready for the trip to DC.

"I'm always here if you need me," Felicity said as they hugged goodbye. Julie hated leaving her best friends behind, but it was time.

Relaxing more comfortably in the bus seat, she pulled out Josh's picture from her purse and smiled. "In a few hours I'll finally get to find you."

* * *

"DONNA! Do you still have those files I was supposed to look over for Leo?" Josh Lyman practically screamed from the hospital bed. He hated hospitals, mostly because that's where Joanie and Dad had died. It brought back too many bad memories.

After getting shot at Rosslyn, he was scared to find out he had almost died. Toby had told him he was out for a few days after the surgery, and he remembered seeing weird images. They weren't dreams, but flashes of some sort. He saw his parents, Joanie, the President, Leo, Sam, CJ, and Toby. But for some reason two people appeared the most: Donna and a little girl.

Donna was easy to explain, but he didn't want to admit it. He had always cared for her as not only his assistant, but as one of his best friends. Now, however, after waking up and seeing her tear-streaked face and learning that she never left his side, he knew it was something a lot more than friendly.

The little girl was a mystery. She was happy, dancing and singing "You are my Sunshine," with brown hair pulled in a ponytail. The girl looked similar to Joanie, but her eyes were different. More like his own.

He did tell Donna about the little girl, he just left out that part about her. Donna too thought it was Joanie and nothing to worry about. But still Josh couldn't get the image out of his head.

"You know I was trying to help you fill out paperwork to go home, but if you're fine here maybe we can get you an office in here." Donna came into the room, putting the stack of files on the tray for the food.

"Ha, ha. Just what I need – to stay in this hell hole." He looked at her with that annoyed look on his face that made her want to laugh and say how cute he looked when he was mad. But that was something you wouldn't say to your boss.

"All you have to do is sign in the places I marked for you," she said as she sat down on the side of the bed. "I'll take these back to Leo in a few hours."

He smiled as he got a few of the files and started signing. "Easy work, but I want to be back in the mix of things."

She watched him as he went to work, concentrating on certain lines he had to go read over. Donna was so grateful that Josh was here and alive. She wouldn't have been able to handle what might have happened. When Toby had told her about the shooting, she was so in shock. It was then she realized she had been in love with Josh this whole time.

Don't get her wrong: she never meant to for this to happen. Not like with Dr. Freeride, who had used her. She had been so careful not to let her feelings show for any man, especially her boss. But it didn't take long to fall for Josh. She had felt something since they first met on the campaign trail and she had hired herself. Josh was charming, funny, lively, and cute. But most of all he was a caring friend. There was no way she ever wanted to lose him. Great, now the tears were coming.

Josh looked up and saw tears welling in her blue eyes. He sat the files down to go back to later. "Donna, are you all right?" He reached for her hand and they interlaced their fingers.

Donna tried to make the crying stop, but it wasn't working. "I - I was just thinking, what would have happened if we - if I - lost you."

Josh's eyes softened when he saw how sad she was. He brushed some stray blonde hair behind her ear to better see her face. "God, Donna. You didn't lose me." He rubbed his thumb against her cheek. He whispered "I'm right here." She nodded and let out a gasp to get some air because she was out of breath from the crying. "I'm not going anywhere."

At that she lost it and more tears came. Josh gently pulled her down and hugged her as best he could without hurting his wounds. Donna clung to him as she cried and Josh couldn't think of a time when he loved her more. He just wished he could tell her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"They say this thing really helps relieve stress?" Josh asked as he threw the little red rubber ball across the room. His physical therapist said playing catch would actually help his muscles after the accident, but in Josh's mind he felt like a kid again.

Sam Seaborn caught the ball from across the room. "Yeah. Can't you feel the stress oozing out?" Both men laughed as Sam threw the ball back.

"Well at least Toby's not throwing this. He might break a window." Josh caught it easily, then threw it back.

"I'm still not sure how that window between our offices is still standing." Sam laughed again as he tossed it back.

Josh caught it, then held the ball between his fingers. He'd still been worried about Donna after she left, and he wanted to ask his best friend what he thought. "Did Donna seem ok to you?"

Sam looked back at him, concerned. "Not at first, but she puts up a good front. It's been hard on her since you've been in here."

"I know." Josh said even more worried and wished he could comfort her.

Sam leaned forward in his chair, looking like it was hard for him to choose his words. "Josh, is something going on between you and Donna?"

Josh didn't know how to respond since he didn't even know the answer himself. He ran a hand through his hair and looked his best friend in the eyes. "I'm not sure, but I think something is. Ever since the shooting something's changed. It's not just her, but me too."

Sam was trying to hide his smile, but failing badly. "You've finally realized you've in love with her, haven't you?"

Shock hit Josh hard. _How did he know?_ "What?"

"Don't try to deny it, Josh. We've all known there is something between you and Donna. That is no normal boss/assistant relationship. You both have been in denial for so long, but this accident changed things. It made you realize what you've been taking for granted."

Sam hit the nail on the head. Still Josh tried to pass it off. "Even if I did have feelings for her, and I'm not saying I do, how would I even know if she likes me?"

Sam burst out laughing. "Is that a trick question? Where have you been these last 3 years? Donna adores you. You know how she's been here day and night to check on you and we have to force her to stop. Why are you two so stubborn?"

"But we could never have a relationship Sam. It's unethical, and the press would have a field day!" Josh raised his arms to exaggerate the point.

Sam got up to leave and grabbed his jacket. "Maybe, but two people would be really happy. Isn't that all that matters?"

Josh thought about that question for awhile. When it came down to things maybe all that mattered were two people in love and everything else just faded away. "Where are you going?" Josh turned his head to follow Sam out the door.

"Home, since I have to help run the country and a little boy needs his sleep." He kept walking down the hallway as Josh threw the ball at him.

* * *

It was still very warm and muggy like August nights usually are. Donna took out her diary to write about what happened that day. She had to admit there was a lot about Josh in that diary and her feelings for him. She just hoped no one would ever read it.

At least everything didn't smell like cats in her apartment now that her roommate had moved out. That brought make fun memories of when Josh got drunk because of some floozy ex-girlfriend and yelled at the cats. He eventually would pass out on her couch and Donna would sometimes watch him sleep. She loved when a smile came across his face from a good dream and she hoped it was about her.

Oh God, how could she be so blind about her feelings? She had had them for so long and now she was sick of pretending. Donna hadn't meant to cry like that in front of him, but once the tears came they wouldn't stop. Not that she minded. She loved feeling his arms around her as she held him and he soothed her. It just felt so right and she felt so safe there. Almost like she could stay forever with him.

Why did she have to be in love with a man she knew she could never have?

* * *

Julie waited in the elevator as it climbed a few floors. After getting to DC, it hadn't been too hard to find the hospital. She had gotten a taxi and made her way there. Now that she was here she was so nervous to finally meet Josh, her father. Julie had no idea what to say and hoped the words would somehow come.

The doors dinged open as she reached the 8th floor. A man with short dark hair and kind blue eyes held the door for her. She had to admit he was pretty cute.

"Sorry about that. Ladies first." He smiled.

"Thanks." Julie smiled back and walked out. She found the nurses' station immediately to the right. "Hi. I'm looking for Josh Lyman's room?"

A young Asian nurse, maybe about 22, smiled. "Are you friend or family?"

Well, she couldn't just say 'Oh yeah, I'm his daughter he's never met and doesn't know exists.' So she went with the safe option.

"I'm a family friend, like a niece of his."

The nurse still smiled, as if her expression were frozen in place. "He's in room 807. It's just to your left."

"Thanks." Julie headed off in that direction, even more nervous.

She paused by the doorway, seeing it was slightly open. Moving slowly, she stuck her head in the doorway and she saw Josh sitting there watching CNN. His hair looked disheveled and he seemed bored with what he was watching.

"Why don't they ever report things I need to know?" He picked up the remote and changed it to the Mets game. "Now this is much better. Come on Piazza!"

Julie smiled as she watched Josh get into the Mets game. She found it funny he was a Mets fan, being from Connecticut. Her adoptive father Peter had taken her to many games, as had her ex Ben. She wouldn't say she was a diehard fan, but she didn't mind baseball. It made her wonder if they had ever gone to some of the same games.

Julie was about to walk in when the nurse came up beside her. "I was going to let you know visiting hours are over. I know it wasn't much time. I'm sorry."

Julie gave a sad smile. "It's ok. I'll just come back another time." She then rushed off with tears in her eyes, as the nurse watched, concerned.

Josh turned as the nurse came back in. "Another check before bed, Mr. Lyman." She smiled.

He reluctantly shut off the TV, knowing the routine by heart now. "Ok."

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to let your visitor stay," she said while checking his monitors.

Josh perked up. "Visitor?"

"Yeah, a pretty young girl, maybe just about 20. She seemed kind of upset." The nurse got his chart and wrote some things down. "All right, we're all done, and good night, Mr. Lyman."

Bewildered, Josh replied robotically. "Yeah, night." He had no idea who this visitor was. How he hadn't known someone was there or who it was was beyond him. He'd have to tell Donna about it tomorrow.

Tears flowed from her eyes as Julie sat on the bench outside the hospital. Her suitcase and guitar case were on the sidewalk beside her. She knew she should have gone in there, but she had chickened out again.

"Are you ok?"

Julie dried her eyes and looked up to see a girl about her age with reddish-brown hair and green eyes looking concerned. She had a young woman next to her and a young man who looked like he was talking to his watch.

"Yeah, I'm ok."

The girl sat down. "Obviously you're not, or you wouldn't be crying. Did something happen?"

The girl seemed really kind and Julie felt like she could trust her. "I came looking for my dad and I found out he lives here. I was given up for adoption and I tried to find my birth parents. My birth mother said my dad lives here now and I just saw him in the hospital."

"Is he ok?" The girl touched Julie's arm and it felt comforting.

Julie smiled. "Yeah, he'll be better. He still doesn't know I'm his daughter or that I even exist. He survived a gunshot wound. He was just doing his job and got shot at Rosslyn."

The other girl's face seemed to pale. "Rosslyn?"

Julie continued, not noticing. "It turns out my birth father works at the White House for the President."

The girl took Julie's hand. "Are you saying your dad is Josh Lyman and he has no idea about you?"

Julie looked at her, surprised. "How did you know?"

"My name is Zoey Bartlet." She smiled as Julie's mouth dropped in surprise. "Looks like your dad works for my dad."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Zoey, maybe you should have reconsidered this."

The young girl rolled her eyes at Anna, one of her secret service agents. "It's fine. Julie stayed here last night and nothing happened. I believe her and I want to help. Just please make sure no one else finds out."

Anna gave her a stern look, but gave in. "Okay. We did a background check on Miss Emrick and she's who she says she is. Her record's clean. Promise me this won't happen again, Zoey."

"I promise." Zoey smiled and shut her door.

"Thank you so much for everything," Julie said gratefully as she sipped her coffee and picked at a bagel. The place looked very similar to some of the apartments and dorms in New York, but Georgetown's campus was much homier.

Zoey sat on the couch beside her. "You're welcome. I couldn't just let you stay on the street. Plus, you said you're a college student in the same year as me, so you'll fit right in."

The two girls had formed a fast friendship overnight. Julie told Zoey her whole story, even about Ben and his cheating. Zoey even talked about being the President's daughter, the Rosslyn shooting, and her boyfriend Charlie. They stayed up for hours and felt like they had known each other for years. Julie was starting to think already that a lasting friendship was forming between them.

Zoey rested her head against her propped up arm. "I still am in shock about Josh being your father. But I can see the resemblance. You definitely have his eyes. Honestly, I always thought Josh was cute, but now it's weird knowing he has a daughter my age."

Julie burst out laughing. "Is Josh some sort of ladies man or something?"

"Well no, but he likes to think he is sometimes." Both girls giggled at that. "But seriously, Josh is a really great guy and once you meet him you'll see why."

"I just wish I hadn't run out last night. I should have told him then." Julie hung her head in shame.

"Actually it's good you didn't," Zoey replied as Julie looked up. "Josh is being released today. He should be in a stress free environment."

"You're right. I just wish I knew what to do or how to tell him."

"You say you write music and poetry, right?" Zoey asked. When Julie nodded, Zoey said, "Well, just do what you do best. Write him."

The idea sounded really good to Julie. She had been writing ever since she was little. "I should have thought of that. I guess I just didn't want a repeat of what happened with Carol. Thank you." Julie hugged her new friend.

"Here, let me get you some paper and I'll make a call." Zoey stood and went to get the supplies.

Julie looked confused. "Who are you calling?"

"The perfect person to help deliver this letter to Josh." And with that she was gone.

* * *

"I'm a free man!" Josh practically screamed as he sat in the wheelchair being pushed by Donna. They had just crossed into the parking lot and met Sam by his car. Sam had driven Donna over to get Josh and they were taking him home.

"Not for long, because you have me to be your nurse," Donna replied.

Josh's eyebrows rose playfully. "Does that mean you'll be wearing a nurse's outfit like they do on Halloween?"

"You mean like with the blood on it?" Donna said, confused.

"I don't think Josh meant that kind of nurse's outfit," Sam replied uneasily.

Donna's jaw dropped and she saw the look of pure enjoyment on Josh's face. She immediately slapped his arm.

"Hey! I'm a poor injured man. I shouldn't be getting harassed!" Josh replied, shocked that she'd slapped him.

Donna opened the passenger's side front door of Sam's car and got in. "Just for that I'm not helping you into the car. That's all on you, Sam."

"Gee, thanks," Sam replied. When he saw Josh still looking stunned, he laughed. "Well, you did deserve that."

Josh didn't say anything, but gave Sam an extra hard time getting him into the car.

As they were driving, Josh remembered the nurse talking about a girl the night before. "Hey Sam. Do you remember a woman at the hospital last night coming to see me after you left?"

Donna looked over with a twinge of jealousy. She saw Sam look over at her and he gave a reassuring smile. It made Donna feel like he knew something.

"I wouldn't say a woman, more like a girl about Zoey's age. I passed her in the elevator on the way out. She was on your floor," Sam replied.

Josh was even more confused. "The nurse said she was a family friend, but I don't know who it could have been."

"Do CJ or Leo need to know?" Donna asked. "Could it be a security threat?"

Sam shook his head. "No. This girl seemed innocent. I don't think it's anything to worry about. Maybe she was just a fan? You know how Josh's fan girls are."

"Yeah, maybe." Josh still couldn't figure out who this mystery girl was and why she was trying to find him. But he had a strong feeling he would find out soon.


End file.
